My dreams showed me what I was missing in my life
When I was this tiny human being some long time ago, without knowing I longed for a dog or other kind of animal friend. Unfortunately, I was thought to be allergic to dogs (which turned out to be untrue) and tests showed various allergies, among which also a reaction to cats. This closed the animal friend discussion before it ever began. My local family also didn’t feel convinced that all the work and inconveniences would be worth it. My brother got an aquarium though with lovely fish, which he cared for very well. We were a family of travelers, freedom was important, asking people for help (in caring for a dog for example) wasn’t a possibility. And so the only contact I had to animals was my grandparents’ dog, who lived a two-hour drive away and whom I saw a few times a year.
I had always felt the desire to be around animals but all the circumstances made me push this wish far into my subconscious. “One day I’ll have my own dog”, I still thought, and the topic was shelved. Years later as a teenager I spent a high school year abroad and coincidentally lived with a host family that had dogs, horses, a beautiful fun bird. Shortly after my arrival we found two kittens in the barn and one of them became “my” kitten. Then I also got some stunning fish and a frog in a small aquarium (unfortunately they died which I would feel guilty about for years to come).
I loved being around these animals on a daily basis and even managed my cat allergy.
After leaving I was once again animal-less. Looking back, I know I wasn’t fully able to understand and connect with these animals though. I felt clumsy, not knowing how to be and care for them. For almost all my twenties I forgot about animals once again, was successful in keeping the topic away from myself. It cannot be, I don’t have time, so why torture myself with it. I moved around to study, traveled, tried to find my identity as a young woman. Something was always missing. And every now and then I would even wake up terrified from dreams in which I was responsible for some animals, forgot them accidentally, and they died. I reasoned or confirmed for myself that I am not “there” yet to have my own animal companions.
Shortly before I turned 30 I could finally afford therapy and in Jungian Analysis one looks at nightly dreams in great detail, but we also talked about so many other topics such as work and what I would do if anything was possible and money was not a concern. In a memorable session (my therapist is amazing), I was able to dig up, admit to and talk about this deep yearning to live on a farm alongside animals. All these years I had labeled it silly, cute, not realistic. But in the session I realized that perhaps it doesn’t have to be “one day” anymore. Many people already work with animals, spend their lives doing it. Why couldn’t I? A seed was planted.
It took a year for this to feel comfortable in my mind and body, but when I recently quit the life I had built, I decided I was ready to commit to creating something that felt wholeheartedly worth living for. I moved back to my home country and started to volunteer more seriously in shelters, a sanctuary, a farm focusing on animal-assisted work. I wanted to figure out which direction to take. And then, I even found paid work on an alpaca farm.
Good timing and my life and work experience helped me seize this opportunity. I had identified that I am most fascinated by animal-assisted work and today I spend many of my days doing animal-assited activities with alpacas and humans already. I am well on my way!
I am reading and learning a lot about animal-assisted work and the different types (animal-assisted coaching, pedagogy, therapy, activities). I found this amazing foundation Stiftung Bündnis Mensch & Tier which focuses on the human-animal relationship by inviting farms to create species-appropriate environments for interacting, learning about and establishing true connection between human and animal individuals.
I started to understand that my desire to be in nature and with animals is deeply rooted in our human biology. Humans have always lived this way but lately we have gone pretty astray. And perhaps the way I was missing something but couldn’t say what, maybe that’s similar for many of us. We need animal friends in our lives, one way or another. We need nature. We can feel their positive impact on us but still like to minimize and rationalize it away. They are not just animals. They remind us of where we come from, what really matters, they ground us, they make us healthier, they can even save our lives.* There’s a reason so many people get pets, but it shouldn’t stop with dogs and cats. All animals have something unique to teach us, and I am so excited to keep learning about the human-animal-nature relationship and hopefully soon start creating my own offerings.
This path feels more and more authentic to who I am. When I am outside on a daily basis surrounded by trees and birds, cats, alpacas, my heart opens. I don’t have to pretend anymore, I can be the little girl I used to be and tell people with pure excitement and appreciation about the amazing furry friends I live and collaborate with.
Of course, working on a farm can be pretty rough, especially for a highly-sensitive person. It’s no joke. I also want to add that starting completely anew, creating a new life, possibly adjusting to someone else’s lifestyle for a while, a new field of work, it’s been taking all I have. And there’s still so much to learn and figure out. But, it still feels well worth it because as this famous tech guy once said, don’t settle until you find what you love, and I’ve been living by that.
Where do you see yourself “one day when…”?
*book recommendation (unfortunately only in German), Wie Tiere uns gesund machen: Über die Heilkraft der Tiere von Rainer Wohlfarth und Bettina Mutschler (2022)
The writing prompt for this piece was Childhood Friends.
