The four places that changed my life
And how they helped me find my way
I realized I had no one home. There was the home where I was raised. There was the home where I learned to live. The home where I learned to heal. And the home where I learned to feel alive (again). Coming home to either one of them was always such a comfort and reminder of how much I had missed them. Home is where the heart is, and mine was split in four.
— Notes from the past
I have lived a thousand lives, traveled in my mind so far I’d get weary. Never will I be able to experience all that’s possible, never will I know how it really feels to live these many lives, live all this potential. I only have this one.
Perhaps because of this so ever-present and profound desire have I always looked for opportunities to get away, start anew somewhere, be someone whose life I have dreamed of before.
Years later, I have now resided in various places across three continents and I am slowly starting to understand.
While I longed to see the world, I also sought to meet myself, through others, through nature, through the universe’s eyes. And I have not been disappointed.
Four places on my journey had the power to shift my perspective on life, and change me in ways I could never have imagined. I call these places home because I have always felt a deeper connection, a sense of belonging there.
I recognize how these four places have guided me, how they have shown me the way to this moment in time. And I am so grateful for that.
I: The home where I was raised
For the longest time, I’ve had a difficult relationship with the place where I was raised. It’s where I spent most of my life, where forms of love and happiness accompanied me, but also far-reaching hurt and desperation. Growing up is never easy, but for some reason I struggled more than made sense. I felt invisible and bored. Eventually, an opportunity opened up and while I was terrified, this was my chance to break out. Since then I have come back every now and then, but never without a sense of heaviness. I appreciate this home, what is has taught and given me, and yet until just recently I wasn’t able to move on from my memories. I was still avoiding my origins.
II: The home where I learned to live
I spent a good amount of time in this far-away place during my teenage years. The vastness of land, the sense of freedom, the friendliness of people, it was a place I had seen so much of on TV. I detected a longing to live there, a desire to experience the mundane. And then it became true. After a period of struggle, I ended up finding openness, laughter, diversity, connection. I also learned to take risks for love, I learned to live. It was an incredible experience and broke my heart in two when it was time to leave. But I got a glimpse into what was possible out there — a notion that became my guiding star.
III: The home where I learned to heal
Many years and adventures in different locations later, I felt exhausted. I had been to beautiful places and had met some heavy challenges. Some outside of me, but many within. I was yearning for a home again. A place to rest, feel safe, where I could just be. I arrived to this place at the right time in my life, and immediately felt serene. Green meadows, blue skies, lukewarm summer breezes. A place so orderly that one couldn’t think of anything wrong with the world. Here, I went on a different kind of journey, perhaps one of the most important ones. I traveled deep within, into my past, into the depths of my mind and heart and beyond. I started to face my shadows and discovered the truth of our nature. I learned to see and feel like never before — a homecoming of a very different kind.
“Upendapo, uendapo”, Swahili Proverb
— “Where you love you should go”
IV: The home where I learned to feel alive (again)
When I came across the Swahili proverb in a local souvenir shop, I was immediately struck. A confirming knowing came upon me that this was indeed the place where I should go. I had always felt grounded, full of love and curiosity here. Even when much had gone wrong, merely walking on the streets, letting the sun shine on my face, and observing life around me was a gift. It is hard to put into words how this part of the earth moves me, how it continues to teach me, how it makes me feel so fully alive. It is the place where my heart beats the loudest, where my soul is at home.
I: Coming full circle
Interestingly, recently the heaviness around my first home began to dissolve. When darkness once again knocked on that same old door, this time I was prepared. I embraced what was still hurting, faced the pain head on and moved my body toward action. It was tough, no denying that. But guess what, the darkness passed and the next morning rewarded me with the most beautiful sunrise — the past had been lifted off my shoulders.
I wondered why this had happened now. But I understand that during the last year a lot has changed. I more and more found a feeling of home all around me. I felt it with plants and animals, in people I didn’t even know. I remembered a belonging to this earth, felt abundance in the simplest of things. So much beauty, everywhere, how could I not have seen it all along?
Perhaps as I started to change, everything around me changed with me — a beautiful reminder that as within, so without.
New places always activate and inspire me
I have always sought to understand the meaning of life by being out and about, moving around, being immersed in new environments and cultures, so different and yet so alike, by journeying into the depths of my being. These things and many more have shown me a world so wonderous and extraordinary that I don’t know who I would be without these experiences. Making sense of the world this way feels authentically me and I am so glad I finally understand that.
I am curious: What places do you or have you considered home? How have they shaped you and your perspective on life? What is it that feels authentically you?
The writing prompt for this piece was Places.
